Patient Experience > Talking About Pelvic Pain

Pain and Gender - BBC radio 4 Women's Hour - listen to the programme

Differences in the way that men and women express pain- research from Vienna University

Gender Differences in Pain

Getting the message across about how pelvic pain affects us is important for several reasons:

• It helps doctors to help us manage the pain
• It helps family and friends to understand how we feel
• It helps employers to know what our needs are

There may be greater tolerance of acute pain because it goes away. Pain that recurs or is constant is more wearing for the person affected and those in regular contact with them. Perhaps a little time spent communicating well could make things easier for those with long term pain and those around them.

There may be particular difficulties and issues linked with talking about pelvic pain. Those with pelvic pain sometimes say things like : “ I was asked whether I've got back problems. I say yes because it's too embarrassing to explain what the real problem is”. Perhaps using the term “pelvic pain” is less embarrassing, more acceptable and easier for people we don't know well to cope with.

We can certainly explain how the pain affects us physically. If there are basic activities we are unable to do such as sitting, standing etc we should say so. The response may be “is it your back? Rather than replying “yes” what about saying “No, it's pelvic pain”? If the listener is interested you may want to give a bit more information and describe it eg. “It's stabbing like a knife”. Most people can imagine what this may be like. This may make it easier for the listener to understand how the pain is affecting you physically.

Talking to health professionals
It is important to tell the person treating you:

• how severe the pain is on a scale of 0 -10 (zero is no pain and 10 is the worst level of pain you can imagine)
• say where the pain is
• describe the pain in your own words eg burning, stabbing, etc
• say what makes the pain worse and what eases the pain
• say if there is a pattern to the pain – keep a diary
• say if the medication you are taking is not helping when you have given it a fair trial and taken it as prescribed. Don't continue taking medicines that are not helping

Talking to family and friends
Those who are in pain all of the time will probably not want to keep talking about it. There can be many reasons for this including “not wanting to bore family and friends”or“not wanting to spoil their fun”. Frequently those with long term pelvic pain look well “you can't see it “. This can make it especially difficult for those in pain to ask for help. It is easy for those around us to forget that the person in pain may need help with daily activities. The following suggestions may help to ease some situations:

• Ask for help- painful intercourse may need professional help click here
• Stay calm – this can be easier said than done. Pain can cause physical tension which can lead to emotional tension.

Talking to employers
It is important that employers have an understanding of how long term pain affects us. There may be practical things that can be done to enable someone in pain to continue working, such as the use of specially adapted desks, chairs etc. Occupational therapists may be able to help with this. It may be possible for some work to be done at home when the person in pain can choose the time and the type of task they carry out. If the person has flare ups, it may be possible to save up hours worked in advance when the pain is less, to make up for “bad days”. The following ideas may help:

• Are there any aids that would make things easier?
• Is there someone that can help you with pacing activities eg a physiotherapist?
• Can tasks be adapted to a location that makes it easier?
• Is it possible to work some extra time during “good times” to use during “flare ups”?

Research is currently underway to investigate the way in which men and women describe pain. There may be differences which affect the reaction of the listener. A recent BBC radio 4 programme entitled "Gender differences in pain" BBC - Radio 4 Woman's Hour -Gender differences in pain

There is a message board for posting questions and experiences: http://www.pelvicpain.org.uk/forum/index.php